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Why Do My Twin Flame’s Words Hurt So Much?

Today we seek to answer a question you may have asked yourself at some point on this journey. Why do my twin flame’s words hurt so much? Or more accurately perhaps, why do my twin flame’s hurtful actions hurt SO MUCH MORE than when others hurt me? These particularly painful moments may be called ‘twin flame triggers.’ Every twin flame connection features at least one or two, in our experience!

Estimated reading time: 6 minutes

Example of a Twin Flame Trigger

The topic arose from this question on our blog from Mary Louise Wolfe (edited for grammatic clarity):

In this lifetime I met my twin flame when I was a teen, he a child (he’s 13 yrs younger than I). I was with my mother, he was with his, in a mall in Western Massachussetts. A male voice insight informed me of whom he was, the twin flame. I didn’t recall him as the twin flame until insight told me. He said we would see each other again at a later date when we would both be adults. He also said it would be difficult for us to be together because the twin flame would “travel in different social circles and be of a different religion than I.” I told him, “I can travel in any social circle with people of any religion.” Insight said it would bother the twin flame, not me! He was correct.

Met twin flame when I was in my early thirties. We met for coffee. Twin flame said “he would never date a woman who wore a blouse like I had on!” I told him, ”Never judge a woman by her blouse.” I was very hurt. Because he wasn’t even interested in getting to know me as a platonic friend even. I was not very confident during my youth. So this really shattered me at the time. He told me he was going to date an actress and that he was on a reality t.v. show that was to air soon. I never saw him again. I’m not using his name for privacy. As you probably know his name!

He has since then married. I’m 60 now. I don’t get all this. It hasn’t been a good experience. More like a regression from what our relationship was in another lifetime. I thought twin flame relationships were supposed to progress? I don’t like having ‘knowing’ precognition in this instance. It’s depressing to read about all the special things he’s done in this lifetime. To know what we were in another lifetime. And to know he doesn’t have any interest in me at all. There is no love in this. No runner. No chaser. No nothing. With him married, there never will be.

What is the point of this relationship as twin flames? I don’t get it!

Asked on 2022-04-13 by Mary Louise Wolfe
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Rejection is a Common Twin Flame Trigger

When Mary’s twin made a negative comment about her blouse over coffee, he phrased his criticism in such a way that he was rejecting the woman inside the blouse — not just the blouse itself! Mary was shattered by this person with whom she’d known for years that she shared a special bond. She didn’t know how to rely on her prior inner knowledge of their bond with confidence. Unable to trust that her twin simply didn’t know what he was talking about yet, she couldn’t see that there was a lesson to be learned here by both parties. (When we’re awake, we do all of these things!)

Mary acknowledges that her hurt feelings were caused by residual traumas which resulted in her loss of confidence as a youth. This is wonderful for her to recognize! It means that she can trace the roots of what hurts so much inside that needs fixing. Her twin, who is her perfect mirror that feels everything she feels, didn’t even realize what he was doing. Almost as if it were scripted, he knew just the right words to say to raise her rejection trauma to the surface, maximizing the hurt. And by hurting her so much, he affected the timing and pace of their 3D path.

This is a perfect example of a twin flame trigger!

Why Do Twin Flame Triggers Hurt So Much?

It’s very simple. Twin flame triggers hurt as much as they do SO YOU WILL PAY ATTENTION TO THEM! They carry incredibly important lessons with them for your soul to learn, so that it may evolve. Our twins say or do things to cause us pain (even in Union, Justin & I are not exempt) so that we are drawn to examine our core wounds and heal them. Because we never want to feel that pain with our twin again!

Our twins know how to push our brain's buttons.

It’s a good reminder here to state that lessons are like a coin. They always have two sides. Mary’s lesson in this instance is to recall and reclaim her lost confidence. Perhaps her twin’s lesson is about the over-confidence that guided him to make such a sweeping statement of rejection. Each twin has a portion of the total lesson to learn, known only to them inside their copy of the shared twin flame soul.

How Do I Heal Core Wounds?

The only way to move forward with your share of the lesson (because, again, your twin has their portion to learn, too!) is to address YOUR wound. Soothe it so that it cannot be triggered again, by your twin or anyone else. Regain what was lost by fixing what is broken inside! You may want to ask an angel/spirit guide to show you, journal, meditate to seek answers within, or use whatever method works for you when you’re doing self-reflection. Try asking what the real source of your pain is. Or perhaps try to bring back the feeling of rejection (or whatever trauma you’re working on) and recall the very first time you felt that. What does your intuition reveal to you?

Twin Flame Triggers Are A Powerful Tool On This Journey

A primary purpose of the twin flame connection is to challenge the soul to push to higher levels of understanding, spiritual awareness, and unconditional love. It’s through painful experiences like Mary shared that we’re handed a roadmap to the lessons our soul seeks to learn.

Remember, just like learning math or a language, it’s not a linear process. All learning, if you think about it closely, happens in spirals. Most folks can’t acquire a skill or perfect a talent with one go at it. It takes repetition, building upon past failures, learning to PRE-recognize (precognition…get it??) when something is happening again that you’ve seen before, and learning to act before things go wrong in the same way as they may have in the past…to learn anything. Spiritual lessons are at least this hard, and probably harder because they happen in 5D and are not as readily apparent to us as the ones shown to us in 3D. 

Trust Your Path And Know You Retain Your Free Will

It may be hard to stay open to the positive side of this painful cycle. Trust the Universe and your path! Everything you’re experiencing is a normal part of the twin flame connection. Your journey may look different from everyone else’s, but it’s still doing what you want it to, what it was meant to. This pain signifies that you’re alive and it means you have a choice about what to do next. Choose to heal, or choose to repeat the cycle. Whatever you choose IS ABSOLUTELY OKAY! We all have free will.

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