Self-Love and Twin Flame Surrender

Part Three in the Three-Part Series:
A Story of Twin Flame Surrender

Two weeks ago, we introduced Michelle’s story of twin flame surrender, beginning with the obsession phase and moving through despair to the discovery of a powerful new love in her twin flame connection.

Last week, Michelle shared how she used this newfound love inside of herself along with her twin flame mirror to tip the balance of her unhealthy attachment to Justin.

Today, we conclude Michelle’s story as she puts into practice all she learned.

Estimated reading time: 7 minutes

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Self-Love: The Catalyst

The month of August rolled around. Justin was still hemming-and-hawing over the “right time” to tell his wife about our spiritual journey and plans to be in Union. As my unconditional self-love increased, I found it easier to detach from Justin’s fear and lack of courage. They no longer resonated with me. However, his vacillation reached a fever pitch as the Lion’s Gate opened and a partial solar eclipse darkened the Earth.

By mid-month, I was miserable. The wondering and waiting were killing me. I felt weighed down by Justin’s indecision. The tone of our conversations shifted. His unhappiness and worry infected me, even in my loved-up state. I felt such compassion and empathy for him, though, that I could no longer hold onto anger.

Preparation for Twin Flame Surrender

In a push to relinquish the obsessive attachment with Justin and find peace, I performed two moon cycle ceremonies. I’d finally accepted that I could not embody the role I set for myself in this lifetime if I didn’t take back my power from everyone I’d handed it over to…including my twin flame. First, on the new moon in Leo, I released old attachments and duties that carried over from my former life lived in ego. Second, on the full moon in Pisces, I welcomed and set intentions for my new journey.

Reclaiming my power through these ceremonies was crucial. Against a backdrop of pure self-love, my lingering fears of abandonment and loneliness metamorphosed into excitement and certainty. I was where I was meant to be. Inside myself, I’d found the same bright fire of love I’d seen in Justin’s soul. Now that I knew what self-love really was, I couldn’t hurt myself by letting his pain hurt me anymore. It was anathema!

I cast about for a solution. There was one time I tried to cut the twin flame soul bond we shared, with disastrous results. So that option was out! The twin flame soul bond is inseverable. We, as all twin flame pairs, will be united by it when we walk out of this 3D world into whatever comes next.

So if I couldn’t and wouldn’t cut the twin flame soul bond, what could I do?

The Only Thing I Could Do…

I could surrender.

I could give Justin what he wanted. His happiness clearly didn’t lie with me, I reasoned, or he’d have grasped it with both hands, as I had. He wasn’t ready, I acknowledged. In another revelation, I saw how I was now being weighed down and held back by my twin’s outworn ego masks instead of my own.

I couldn’t move ahead toting Justin’s ego masks. Nor would I.

I did the only thing I could do. I let go. With all of my heart and my copy of our soul, I chose his happiness so that I could feel my own. Because when he was stuck in the purgatory of indecision, fear, and powerlessness, my self-love was blocked. Letting him go was my only way to live in self-love, to be self-love.

How do I embody self-love?
How do I embody self-love?

Words of Twin Flame Surrender

Here’s what I wrote in my journal that day. Shortly after I wrote it, I said much of it verbatim to Justin during our morning call as he commuted to work. I never meant anything as much as I meant this when I said it.

4:35 am
in bed at home

I cannot sleep. My brain and my heart are each going round, doing a dance that drives me crazy one thought and one emotion at a time.

There is something about being with M and giving away your power that makes you happy. There is no other logical explanation, no other feeling that I can identify. I have told you over and over that I want you to have your happiness. If I am being truthful about that, then I need to get out of your way and support your happiness. I need to let go and allow you to do freely what makes you happy.

I also have said and know without a shadow of doubt that it’s time for me to truly begin working toward that vision I have in my head of all the healing work I can and will do.

I have stated that I hurt when you go back to M day after day. Yet I have been able to stand by and make no demands of you. But I have finally found, in the last 48 hours, the key to my own story and sense of freedom and happiness. That is the place where my inner truth matches my outer truth.

If I honor this new revelation, there is only one path available to me: to let you go do what you wish freely — what makes you happy — and to stop torturing myself by being subject to the yo-yo of emotions and energy you are experiencing every day. In doing this, I free myself to move forward and not worry or give my power over to that which makes me unhappy. The only thing I can do is let go and allow you to pursue your happiness, whatever happiness it is that you are finding every day that you so desperately need with M, and to move forward by myself toward my own freedom, happiness, and that place where inner truth matches outer truth.

I no longer am the version of myself that stands between ANYONE and the happiness they seek, in whatever form that is, no matter how much I want something to the contrary that might contribute to my happiness. My happiness is not dependent on anyone else’s. I can wish for, strive for someone else to be happy, but never again at the cost of my own happiness and inner truth.

Go do what makes you happy right now. When you find out you’re unhappy, if you ever do, I’ll be here doing what makes me happy. I’m not waiting anymore, and I’m no longer able to step in to watch you struggle every day to decide between two forms of happiness. I love you. Unconditionally. But not at the price of ME.


Guided Meditations for Self-Love and Surrender

Thank you for reading our story. We plan to offer two guided meditation audio files in the coming weeks. The meditations draw from Michelle’s journal entries and the written portions of the lunar cycle ceremonies she performed during this time. If you’ve been struggling to discover unconditional love, embrace self-love, or navigate the path to twin flame surrender on our journey, these meditations may help!

To be notified when they’re available, please sign up for our Twin Flame Warriors newsletter in the footer.

7 Responses

  1. Amazing story. I’ve been in that very spiritual place. I surrendered. I prayed. I wished and wished beyond self repair. But I’m repairing myself. I’m repairing my soul. I’m building myself back up from the deconstructed and shattered soul I was near the end. I’m building myself back up with my love my wishes and my energy. I hope to get there. Wherever that may be.

    1. P, thank you for stopping by and sharing. We’d love to hear more about you and your journey! Sounds like you’ve come a long way. What are some of the tools you’re using to heal if you can tell us? Are you in contact with your twin flame? 😇🙏💙

  2. So what happened after this? Such a good read.. I just surrendered a few days ago so eager to know how events unfolded after.. I feel such relief

    1. Hi, Debbie – thank you for reading the blog series! We are so pleased to hear of your recent acceptance. We know how hard it is to arrive at that place…we honor where you’re at. 🙏

      After I surrendered (this is Michelle) and I released Justin with the words you read above, I felt FREE for the first time in a long time. It was scary but exhilarating. I set about doing what I meant to do when I came to this body in the first place — I would share my (our) story and be a beacon for everyone out there who was confused, lost, or alone on their spiritual awakening journeys. I knew that was my Twin Flame Soul Mission. I knew that someday Justin and I would be doing this work together. So did he. We talked of it frequently, dreaming and making plans for our future work. I couldn’t hold out any longer, nor did I want to. My spirit team was insistent that I begin NOW.

      For about three weeks after my surrender, we still spoke daily, or at least texted. I explained to Justin that I was choosing self-love and our mission. I would proceed with my divorce, move into my own place, and start living the life I wanted, instead of the life everyone else said I should have. I made no demands of Justin to do the same. I wouldn’t even ask him what his plans were anymore. It hurt too much to feel his pain and unhappiness when I did that prior to surrender, so I wouldn’t ever ask again. I’d be patient and love him, whatever he was doing, whoever he was doing it with. Even when it wasn’t me.

      I focused on me, what I was doing, how I was growing and changing into the person I always wanted to be. I stopped seeing Justin in person. It had been years that we’d been having lunch together every day when he was at work. That was when we got our fix of each other if we couldn’t be naked in bed somewhere. It was painful not to see him but I knew what I had to do. I had to get on with my part of the mission, and I couldn’t do that while holding onto him, where he was rooted in place. So I closed up my old healing business, began writing the first novella in our series, and continued extricating myself from my old life. I didn’t run. I didn’t cut him off. I just got on with what I needed to do. I relished it — I was taking back my power, day by day, from person after person with whom I’d been wearing ego masks for so long.

      Justin felt the change in me. I made no secrets about it. When he’d ask me to meet him for lunch, I’d just say no. And knew why. He grew increasingly miserable with the shift in our connection — he told me more than once that he feared I was leaving him behind and that he’d never catch up with me again. It tore at my heart, and I loved him all the more for his struggle because I finally understood it. And I was at the same time untouched by it — I had chosen ME. I felt a love for myself that I’d seen reflected in my relationship with him that told me I was making the right choices. So it was a daily choice at that time…to do what served me, what showed love to me, what would get me further along my path in this lifetime.

      At the end of three weeks, he told his wife everything he hadn’t already told her during marriage counseling and in their endless discussions about me and our affair for the past six months. He told her he had to be with me. It was painful. I think it was about the hardest thing he’s had to do, and he’s done some hard things in his life. That night, we stayed together and have been together every night since. That was in September 2018. We published our first novella on June 11, 2020, five years to the day after we met for the first time.

      There’s a LOT MORE that happened in between all of that, LOL! The whole story will unfold in the Souls on Fire novella series.

      Thank you again for reading…we’d love to hear from you anytime.


  3. Hi Michelle,

    I wanted to thank you for your story. I’m not sure I believe in twin flames, or soul mates, but the TF description is exactly what I have experienced. I met my TF 12 years ago. She was dating my favorite cousin who is like a brother to me. When he introduced us, we instantly connected as best friends. I was married to my soulmate at the time, but we yearned to be close together as much as we could as best friends. She became my children’s Godmother and came to the hospital when they were both born. She married my cousin. About 5 years into our friendship, we decided to move into a house together as couples. My cousin and TF were my kids godparents and our living situation was amazing. We co-housed as one family unit and had dinners together most evenings. The kids became very close to their godparents. Two years into our living situation, we decided to all buy a large house together and take separate floors. We wanted to live together long-term because we loved the arrangement. The problem is that I finally came out to myself a year later. This threw everything upside down. My TF told me she had feelings for me and wanted to explore with me physically. I always looked at her as my best friend and was never romantically inclined towards her.

    With both spouses on board, we opened our marriages just to explore since there was no real threat of romance. My TF was the first woman I was ever intimate with in that way. I instantly realized I was gay the first time. My TF said a lot of things at that point about how much she loved me and wanted to be with me. She talked about having a group marriage situation which we all disliked. She briefly mentioned divorcing to be with me, and spend a couple weeks very confused about how much she wanted to be with me. My romantic feelings for her grew too though. It eventually came to a point where her marriage with my cousin was struggling. She needed to close her marriage and go back to being best friends with me. This wrecked me. It was the first time I ever really felt major sexual attraction and arousal with, and I loved her so deeply. I told her I would have to move out and she would have to choose since she was forever closing her marriage. She chose my cousin which she later told me was an impossible decision, but needed to stay with her marriage vows. I took my family and moved out. We sold the house and I asked for no contact.

    That first year was excruciatingly painful. We both lost dangerous levels of weight; we were both in deep depressions. She struggled so much with the pain, she couldn’t see my kids and my kids suffered deeply. I blamed her for a lot of things I won’t go into detail with and she blamed me. I had a lot of self-work to do because I realized I was not happy without her, and she was the main source of my self-esteem. We tried to reconnect about a year later and old stuff would come up. My feelings would come back and it was so difficult for me to see her with my cousin (whom I also missed but felt anger that he committed to her first). Two years have gone by now. I’m seperated with my husband. She is still with my cousin; she states her marriage is stronger than it has ever been. We are texting and seeing each other more; she remains solely committed to her marriage and wants to be best friends with me. Though she admits she sees me as a TF and has never felt for anyone like she feels for me. She says our relationship is amazing because we love and accept each other unconditionally and feel at home in each other’s arms. This feeling is unique to us specifically. I am now starting a new career as a therapist. I just graduated with my master’s. I feel better about myself than I ever have my whole live. I find little interest in dating. I keep connecting with my TF but feel a big sense of guilt because I still hope she will one day divorce. I also love and respect my cousin and never want him to have to go through that pain, so I don’t want her to divorce on his behalf. She seems depressed right now. She’s been dreaming about me. She wants to be best friends and live close together again. She wants to be in my kids’ daily lives again. I am amazed I am as happy as I am, and I am also in a constant state of grief. I miss our long talks and endless belly laughter. The connection we have is undeniably addicting and I know I will likely never find another one like it again. I moved about 2 hours north from her and we don’t get to see each other very often. I did that on purpose because living in the same area was too difficult for me. She is very heartbroken by my move and wants me to move back.

    I’m not sure what to do now. I miss her and I also have to keep moving on with my life. A best friendship feels impossible when I know I am still in love with her. I just pretend not to be. I have told her my feelings will never go away. She has given me hints to feeling the same way but is really trying to stay faithful in her marriage. Which I respect. Whoa, this is long. The point is that I relate to your surrender. I don’t think she will ever leave her marriage for me though. And so now I’m trying to figure out how to move forward in a friendship with her. Even though I don’t believe astrology or TF stuff, I am trying to send her my loving energy hoping she will find happiness. Also looking for answers now that I accept myself more and find peace in being alone. Any advice is welcome. Thanks for your inspiring story.

    1. Hi, Pam – I apologize for taking a month to reply to your comment. We’ve had a busy few weeks, culminating in my son’s high school graduation last weekend and three ER visits for me this week which ended with a diagnosis of DVTs and PEs!

      I’ve been mulling over your story this whole time, recurring to your request for advice and trying to hear from our Spirit Team what it is that I might say to help you. The only thing I know to say is this: you must do what’s right for you. Whether or not this is a twin flame connection you share with your best friend, that is the only thing you can do. She is clearly at a different point on her path to understanding and valuing your connection…and you can’t change that. Only when she’s ready to take whatever steps come next for her in bringing you two closer together while respecting the boundaries you hold will she move forward.

      It sounds like friendship while she remains married is not within your boundaries. You’re uncomfortable pretending (we’d call that an ego mask, to pretend you’re okay being friends when you’re really longing for more)…and that’s okay. Separation appears to be the best route for you. Meanwhile, your job is to make yourself as happy and fulfilled as you can be in her absence. It sounds like you’ve been doing that. I loved to read this: “I am trying to send her my loving energy hoping she will find happiness. Also looking for answers now that I accept myself more and find peace in being alone.” You’re already doing what I would advise if I gave advice! 😂 (I say that because we really don’t offer advice…Justin & I prefer to share stories and let the listener take what resonates with them.)

      One thing many twin flames struggle with in separation is that the one who is the “spiritual” or “5D” twin (that would be you) wants to move forward on their mission. The “matrix” or “3D” twin (that would be her) has a hard time even grasping the connection and cannot get on the same page. You clearly have a healing mission…that’s why you separated from the soulmate/husband who is not meant to accompany you any further, aligned with your chosen path, and are starting your exciting new counseling career. You are a healer at heart, and so is your twin. Though she is stuck still in dealing with the mundane (i.e., soulmate relationship/contract and all that entails), which divides her from you and her mission. This, too, is okay. It will resolve when it’s meant to in divine timing. Perhaps in this lifetime, perhaps not until another journey. And in the immortal words of Tom Petty, “the waiting is the hardest part.”

      We’ll be cheering for you! We’d love to hear more about how things are going, whenever you’re ready to share. In fact, you may consider coming onto our Portrait of a Twin Flame podcast to share your experience. In case you haven’t listened to any of our Portraits, here’s a link to the show homepage: https://bio.site/portraitofatwinflame As a therapist, I’m confident you know the value in speaking your truth aloud.

      One observation. If you’re feeling guilty about being the potential cause for her divorce, she feels that too. She won’t get over it until you do. If you can’t abide her being married to your cousin whilst also being in a relationship with you, she’ll mirror that back. What have you done to work on yourself, to let go of this “pre” guilt, which really isn’t yours? She’s a grown up. She gets to make her own decisions. Your fear for how it will affect your cousin is not well-spent emotion. He has a soul contract with you and your twin flame, as a soulmate. He agreed to all of this before he arrived in this timeline, too. It may be painful for him, but if it’s what’s meant to be, then he will in time understand…though that time may not be until he departs this journey and returns to Source.

      I hope this response helps you in some small measure. Please get in touch with us again if you feel so called! And thank you for sharing. We appreciate your courage in reaching out. ✨💖✨

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