A real phenomenon for twin flames is exhaustion from repeated exposure to each other’s traumas on the journey. There were times during Justin’s and my three-year separation that I thought I was going to keel over and never take another step down the path. It felt like we’d never be able to heal enough to live peaceably together, in Union. Now, over the course of three years in Union, we’ve developed tools for resolving trauma. These tools help us manage the energy between us when it gets murky from reactions and threatens to drag us down.
Estimated reading time: 7 minutes
A huge part of living in Union for us is processing traumas together. Why? So we no longer have to see or feel them in each other. That means teamwork from trigger to reaction to processing to healing the core wound. We transmute them as quickly as we can recognize them. Then, we never again have to experience that wound’s presence in each other, and we can move forward on our journey with more ease and comfort.
All of that sounds well and good on the spiritual side of things. But Justin & I try to give 3D examples from our everyday lives when we can. Here is an example of healing through mirroring we went through earlier this month.
Justin and I write a novella series about our twin flame journey. We are self-published authors and spiritual awakening guidance counselors. It’s just like running any small business. There are ups and downs, and when you’re new to it, there is the constant threat of being overwhelmed financially. We do all of our bookkeeping together personally and for the business. We are indeed a 50-50 team in everything.
Justin also currently works as the manager of a retail store. I am working solely on our twin flame soul mission at home — meaning I write and perform outreach. I get to do all the “fun stuff” on our twin flame mission until we can afford for Justin to say goodbye to his “regular” job. You can imagine that this division of labor is difficult for Justin. He’s every bit as spiritually awake and aware as I, and he wants to be side-by-side with me. Still, for now, he has taken up the responsibility of supporting us by working in a job that doesn’t feed his soul. I am forever grateful for his agreeing to do this for us.
Recently, we’ve had to meet a few significant expenses. We feel nervous because we had to go into more debt than we wanted to, but we know these are necessary steps on our path to get us to the next level of our twin flame soul mission. Despite knowing we are working toward this perfect outcome, we second-guess our decisions at times. Worry crops up when we see our debt balances rise. We dislike being separated all day, every day, at different jobs. Justin gets tired of the daily grind, and sometimes it feels like his career path will never make its way back to mine. All of the usual human doubts and frustrations around money! This is the trauma that threatens to exhaust us.
I could tell one morning upon waking, Justin was feeling overwhelmed. There’s a specific tone in his voice when he’s feeling pressure to keep a lid on expenses. My stomach senses it, at the top near my heart, when he gets this way. I know what his trigger is. I have learned to recognize it. Justin worries that every dollar added to our debt is another dollar he has to earn in his current unfulfilling position. Which means more years of serving someone else while being separated from me and our mission. There are layers of his past experiences with money in this trauma and inter-generational trauma passed down to him from his biological family. It’s daunting. We know things will be exactly the way we planned, but sometimes it’s hard to stay positive when these doubts arise.
When Justin left for work that morning, he hesitated to kiss me and say goodbye. He even had a hard time telling me he loved me. We had not fought or disagreed in any way. No cross words had passed between us. But I knew what it was the instant I felt it. His trauma was triggered around money. My mind went straight to work. Instead of assuming it was my fault, or I had to immediately fix this situation, or attacking him for feeling doubtful, I looked in the mirror. How do I help him feel safe, I wondered? How do I prove that he’s not alone and that we will get through this together? What words can I say that will ease his mind, honor his PTSD around debt, and reassure him that we are on the right track?
Trauma Processing – Part 1
One of my favorite ways to process trauma is to meditate on it. I meditated on our financial situation. Before beginning, I opened myself up to finding new solutions and requested the Universe’s assistance. Right away, creative solutions poured in! I envisioned a plan to keep us afloat and manage our cash flow. Meditation over, I did some legwork with banks and bookkeepers. Before taking the plan to Justin, they confirmed that the plan would work in 3D and wasn’t just “kicking the can down the road” to worry about at a later date. Confirmation received, I wrote a list of all the things I knew must be on Justin’s mind and thought about how I may be contributing to his discomfort. I identified a couple of ways to be a better partner, like being more transparent and proactive than I have in the past.
Trauma Processing – Part 2
Justin came home for lunch. After greeting him with a kiss, I said, “I have a list of things about the business and money to talk about. Is now a good time, or would you rather wait till tonight, when you don’t have to worry about going back to work? It’s nothing bad, but there are things we need to talk about.” He said he’d rather talk about them tonight. I sat beside him, and we began to eat. Only a minute or two passed before he confirmed what was on his mind.
“It probably feels like I’m upset at you or mad about something. I want you to know it’s my PTSD around finances…” and he basically said everything I told you above. He owned his trauma and trusted me with it. I shared my ideas. I reassured him that I am on the same page with him, and I have my eye on the ball financially. This is different from how our past relationships worked, by the way. There was no financial communication or partnership in our old marriages. We both ended up in big money messes that we (and our exes, right alongside us) had to clean up.
Healing the Core Wound (until it comes around again to teach more!)
We continued to eat and discuss the ideas I brought to the table. Justin threw his thoughts out, too. We reassured ourselves about our past decisions and settled on a few new steps we’re going to take together. In the end, I said the following.
“I’m so glad we talked about this. I felt what you were going through this morning when you had a hard time kissing me goodbye.” He totally looked at me sideways when I said this and smirked because he knew what I meant even though we hadn’t discussed it. “I want you to know, I feel what you’re feeling, and I only want it to get better. I am with you on this. You never have to face anything without me. I know what we’re doing is what we planned for, and I’m here for it all.” I felt the remnants of his worry lift. His face cleared.
We may have to face this trauma again together. In fact, I am quite confident we will, but it will be more comfortable every time, and we will be quicker to unpack and fix it up between us! One day, we will heal the wounds so thoroughly that they will never affect our connection again.